Friday, December 3, 2010

Withdrawn

A cozy night, after a busy long day;
Engrossed in work with his laptop
Was her love unnoticing her presence.
Admiring him silently she was into the room,
Slithering  beside him in need of warmth;
She overspoke her mind in excitement.
Thoughts conveyed wrongly,
Turns her down, lost in his world.
Sensitive damsel unknowing her way to explain,
Retreats in silence
Awaiting his call.

P.S: My first attempt of poem. Am not sureif it is really one. Suggestions & corrections welcome. J

7 comments:

sanz360 said...

ya it's a poem alright...and a good one to!

just a correction though...instead of "was she into the room" it would be better to have "was she in the room"

if this is your first poem ever, you should right more... i think you'll do well

~Sanz

http://sanz360.wordpress.com

Beyond Horizon said...

A really good attempt...most importantly it reflected d emotion..n pic 2 is gr8

Varshu said...

@sanz : Thank you for ur suggestion.
Will improve on it. :)

Varshu said...

@Beyond horizon: Thank you. Am happy that it conveyed the emotion.

swap said...

awesome. good shot. keep it up:) feelings at it's peak eh;)

Madhu said...

Hey awesome de..emotions are conveyed well..Come up with more poems d,, :)

Varshu said...

@ swap: Thank u :)
@madhu : Thanks madhu :)

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